Seems like things are going my way these days. More or less, I'll just have to wait and see ya know? this story hasn't reached its climax yet so I'm not even close to wanting to know the ending (besides in the stories of human life the ending usually isn't all that good for the protagonist((THAT BEING DEATH)))

I have been thinking though, about life and where I am going.

I can't say I honestly know ^^;

I have known for quite sometime that my happiness is going to be hard to achieve, I want fame and recognition for creativity

its something you need luck to get.

I love to act, I love to sing, I love to draw, I love to cook, I love to write. If I can make it in one of these things, I know my life will be what I want it to be, mine.

Lately I have been leaning towards writing ( as well as culinary which has been a major obsession for too long XD)

I wrote one story not to long ago, that quite alot of people liked, I'd like to flush that out a bit.

I also want to write the vampire story I would like to read, I have an idea. Stephanie Meyer kinda put the stake through the heart of good vampire media, if I could fix that it would be wonderous, however I wouldn't plan on doing what most novelists in the Vampire genre do and stick to just blood suckers.

I'll leave that to people like Joss Whedon, he did it for years and did it justice (or just-ass) more or less.

Speaking of Vampires, I'm in New Orleans, and apparently Anne Rice has a bunch of homes down here, I'm not the biggest fan but if I could find one could be interesting to check out I guess.

But I'm finding more reasons to smile these days.

Thats good.

I like smiling.

Tags: vampires smiles brains anne rice gayligh
Current Location: Orions Belt Buckle
Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: Megan watching house in the Next room lols

So I went to bed at 3:00 only to wake up at 7:00 to poop which woke me up enough that I was awake till about 11:00 and after a few good rounds of CONTROL POINT on DUSTBOWL and kicking some red team ass I was ready to give sleep another try.

I fell asleep.

I became the gatekeeper of dimensions.
My job was simple, I sat in an empty version of my own room, the wall covered in what looked like television sets of all different sizes and shapes, and do what I thought was right to maintain order in the respective cosmoses.

My attention was turned to Inu-Yasha's verse where a battle with a new "Dimensional Rifting" infused power Naraku, this was bad.

He threw Inuyasha out of his dimension and he landed into my personal space, his form converting into that of an Action Figure ( I have to say I have a cool fashion sense in my dreams I was dressed very suave as well as Inu-Yasha who was dressed in a purple and white yukata with a koi fish pattern. I'm no Inu-Yasha fan anymore but he looked pretty cool)

So I pick up the action figure of Inu-Yasha and start yelling at him motivationally telling him I believe in him and such. I then held up the action figure to his respected TV and pushed him through, in the moments my gate was left open Sesshomaru was pushed through (and some how turned human) I sent him back to his world and realized the world of Inu-Yasha was merging with one of my favorite places of all time.

The 90's batman cartoon universe (except for some reason Robin and Bat girl were there as well) I could not let this be, Batman's good but he rarely went against demons let alone mutants, so I had to call him in some back up.

I reached my hand into the screen above and pulled out Terry McGinnis who is better known as Batman (beyond) and stuck him into the old Batman world. My logic had been that I had put him there for his experience dealing with mutants and things like bang babies and aliens ect ect.

Terry is walking around the framiliar batcave in his b at suit when he hears the voice of Bruce Wayne calling out behind him saying "Who are you"

Teryy turns around and says "Come on old man don't you remember me?" and then I woke up cause a friend texted me.

If anyone is into dream analysis please tell me what the bloody hell that was supposed to mean.

So it's about time for an update and I promise this isn't just some EMO FAG POST (but brace for it as per my usual this post will be FILLED with EMO FAGGYNESS as well)

Youmacon 2009 rocked so this my CON REPORT

Wednesday: Packed my shit, Adam came over, we got picked up an went to Alex's (after I massively cockblocked the fuck out of him that is)

Also I will NEVER sleep in Alex's living room again fucker has 5 old fashioned ticking clocks, they are all set differently and ticking at different times. I wanted to go Captain Hook on these fucking clocks. They drove me mad and I couldn't sleep.

Thursday: We woke up and hit the road around 8 I think. After a quick stop at Mcdonalds (holy balls so many hash browns and Monopoly pieces) we were on our way to Kales and then to Youmacon. We arrive at youmacon and settle in a bit. Alex than recruits us to the voulnteer force of Youmacon and we go shopping with Momma(The nice lady in charge of the staff's Con Suite). When this was all said and done, I hit the bottle while re-mixing the skit for the convention. Afterwards I stumbled around the convention enjoying the night life, This was great several cute girls were outside when I was dressed as Disney Princesses, so of course I serenaded them with songs from their movies.

Friday: I get abruptly woken up at 6 ( which sucked cause I went to bed at 3) by what I thought was a Nuclear reactor having a critical meltdown alarm go off. This alarm went off for half an hour, until I realized it was Mr.Carlos Di Apricio's cell phone and I yelled at him.

Then I was abrubtly woken up again at ten to do more work ( which sucked because we thought we were done Alex but fucked the hell out of what we actually had to and had to not do) After a little spat with Alex I changed into Junpei.

Junpei was fun, people recognized me from past cons and asked if we were doing the panel at youmacon (Which we weren't but we had contemplated a hostile take over if it sucked)

Got a few pictures with AMI






This is one of them I rather enjoy it ( it is also one of the few pictures of my BROPEI in existence)


I then went back to work and at about three we were let of and I promptly changed to Sanji and Adam into Ace ( IFFFFEDUPMAHSHIRTWITHFAKEBLOODFML)





The shoot was rather fun filled with several win OP cosplays (and several fail ones too)

and not to mention pervert batman toy. he hid in mah crotch and Nami-swans boobs.

I then was called to Kale and Alex who were like "WE NEED TO GET TO SKIT REHEARSAL NAO" So that was terribly problematic. I think the worst part was when we had o pull another two people out of our asses to be in the skit so we could use the longer version Alex made me put together the night before. I woulda killed him if he had made me mix that and then we didn't get to do the longer version he made me make the night before.

after this I had to rush to change and shave before the Reborn shoot. THIS SUCKED. I forgot my razor and had to frantically run around looking for one to shave, cut myself shaving, chugged a soda while running to the shoot bleeding. I had a dynamic entry though, I jumped into the shoot, crushed the soda can in my hand and screamed "EXXXXXTREME" at someone.

after the shoot I went hot tubbing with a few friends, then headed to the room. Where alcohol consumption began. After about 10 shots I decided to get spike on since I was basically naked and I had already shaved. THIS WAS FUN. I was rude, pretending to be British, and singing when I happened upon my dear old pal Nicholas Oliver Brussel who continued the drinking hysteria with me.

Saturday: this was the best IMO Spike was finally out and in full colors (when I get a picture I will update, but ATM I have no Vampire face Spike shots that are any decent) after an hour and a half of make-up work I was out.

I walked around scaring people and being recognized occasionally.

We then made our way to the back stage area of the Masquerade and the show went under way. Our skit "Eureka Seven:Once More With Feeling" went off great. I think it was more of a crowd favorite, but we got ourselves a nice little judges award.

The skit is based on the premise of The Musical Episode of Buffy. With Spike narrating the whole thing. The Crew of E7 crash land on a strange musical planet that makes their outward and inward appearance skewed. Madness ensues.

I enjoyed this being that I wrote, directed, mixed,and recorded the thing.

So congrats to us XP

Sunday: SUUUUCKED. BORING. OH WAIT

THIS IS LIES

MY DEAR SWEET BEAUTIFUL LOVELY MILF NAMI-SWAN(Bri) and I did a photo shoot. The pictures make me look fat but it was fun. Hahah and she kissed me to mess with the Texan lesbos of the Arlong Park One Piece Fan fourms. It was a suprise and it blew my mind(srsly out of nowhere she turns my head and plants one on me), to bad she's married lol

it was the waiting to leave and getting home at 1 am that sucked, and the having to give up my wonderful Richie. I MISS THE FUCK OUT OF MY FAMIRY ( AMI, RICHIE, AND CO.)

After Con: I get home to find out the next day that I may as well start packing cause I might be getting kicked out rather soon.

this is the majority of what has me down.

This post is getting to long, if you want to know about why I am BAAAWING just get in touch with me. I doubt most of you will read this anyways, if you do comment so I believe that anyone actually gives a shit about my life.

Current Mood: distressed

I like you for who you are.

The way you smile, and the way I smile back. Even if we can't see each others smiles ourselves.
I like that as soon as you do slip out of my head, you make sure to let yourself slip on back.
I like the way you talk to me, and the words you inspire.
I like the way you make that candle inside light up like a fire.
I like the little pokes, that go on and on.
I like that every love I have, I share with you on my own, and your have loves back for me to call my own.
I like that "My love for you is like a truck berserk" has far too many meanings when we are together.
I like that a simple wall post can compel me to poem.

I like you for who you are, and who I am.

I like you even though I never know when I am going to see you again.

I like you though you may even never read this, and I like you knowing that even if you do it is more or less mean-less.

I like you even though my rhymes suck.

I like you, so I don't give a fuck.

I like you even though I can never tell.

I like you, so together maybe we can break out of our shells.

Current Location: Alex's going mad
Current Mood: intimidated
Current Music: 3 or 4 ticking clocks

It seems my life is taking a lot of cross roads.

I'm not sure if thats bad, or not but I'm ready to take them.

Who wants to take them with me?

Were all capable of change, and I want it. I'm waiting for it, expectantly and patiently.

at least I know that lately for the first time I feel that someone truly loves me, when they say it that is. Then again shes been saying it for along time and I always more or less believed her.

A lot of things are in my past, things I regret, things I look back on and wish I could have changed.

There are even people that I wish I had never met. but part of life is living, and I can't change that.

I just have to go on living.

So one of us is living.

Current Location: Alex's
Current Mood: optimistic
Current Music: Quiznoz Commercial

I get really sad when I go on to long in deep thought. This is my only outlet to rant to, and since I have no one whom with I feel incredibly comfortable ranting to these days ( cause of my hermity-ness) I'll take advantage of it.

I really want to go back to a simpler time. That is if I ever had one. I find myself counting my smiles these days, and they are few and far between, the real ones at least. I really feel like I'm faking it, I hate telling people I'm fine. I'm not fine; I'm a mess, a bloody fucking mess on the sodding floor, I constantly feel like a failure and a ponce. I'm in a rut, and I'm having a terrible time digging myself out of it.

It makes me honestly envy Team Rocket. They have a simple, and stupid goal, but they always climb up out of the hole their in ( which is constantly and commonly literally a hole of their own creation) they might not have the best intentions with their actions, but at least they never give up.

"I've got get out of here, I'm stuck inside this rut that I fell into by mistake"

I honestly can't even think of what to type to properly convey the constant swells of emotion that I've been feeling.

I just want to get back to normal and get my life back on track.

I need a hug.

I'm having a real hard time finding that fire.

I'm going nowhere in life at the moment, stuck doing online classes, stuck jobless, and these days I have seemingly only one friend in the world.

I'm aware I have lots of friends but they are all so so far away T__T

Im not sad, just lost I suppose. Oh well



In other news: Youmacon!

Im all sorts of excited, I'm cosplaying Spike from Buffy and that's going well enough I'm busting out Sanji as well of course ( and jupei for Amikins((and Ryohei for Alex ><)))

I always talk of being a prince and wanting to fall in love, a real adventure you know?

I'm starting to wonder if life is enough adventure for me to handle.

I recently fell for a good friend of mine ( not that she reads this journal, I don't imagine she even knows it exists, but as always she will remain nameless for my own sanity)

Part of me felt like she felt the same

The cuddling, the calling, the gentle hints.

I couldn't help but start to feel things myself.

I started dropping my own hints.

She posted something online, a survey where you had to talk about a bunch of people but leave them anon. I knew which one I was right away

In basic it said, Your awesome, but no way, because of that.

That being her history with someone else who happens to be a good friend of mine.

*sigh* I'm really tired of having nothing good to post in this damned thing to be honest.

I wasn't per-say crushed infact I had just wondered why I had gotten my hopes up in the first place, I should have come to expect this sort of thing. Whenever I like a girl their always seems to be something wrong with me or the situation; we live to far apart, I'm too unattractive(at least in comparison), I'm to fat, My past gets in the way, Their past gets in the way, or that in the end I'm nothing but an over polished and shining silver medal.

I'd like to be a gold medal for once.

I still have no job but at the very least I'm working on it.

I feel like Adam is taking advantage of me at least a little, but I love him and I understand its hard times so I'll take it with a grain of salt and let him slide.

I'm escaping to New Orleans for a week. I hope I can use it as a chance to find myself again, or at least a chance to relieve some of this stress thats slowly killing me.

Seriously I think it is. I'm weaker than ever, my back hurts more than it has in years, I can't sleep and when I do I have terrible nightmare, I'm continually getting sick and not getting better, I'm constantly nauseous and have trouble eating, and I'm suffering from a broken heart and little motivation.

Motivation is what scares me the most my drive is what made me who I am.

But at the very least I'm spending more time with the pencil. Getting better at drawing and coloring, which excites me greatly.

Check this out.

Last night I came to a bit of an epiphany if you will. I was sitting in the movie "I love you Beth Cooper" which I recommend if you haven't or weren't planning on seeing it (It's your not so typical coming of age nerd gets the cheerleader story).

The main character Dennis Cooverman is talking with his father about "growing up" and "coming of age" and how he hasn't done it and the prospects of carpe diem.

being that I have read the book I'm thinking about what I know of Dennis Cooverman, he is 18, a virgin, and so much of a star wars nerd he tries to defeat an on coming attacker with a toy light saber.

I was thinking about my own childhood and my life today.

which got me to thinking about how several months back my Dad, while drunk, confessed to my sister that he didn't think I was his son cause of a lack of similarity between the two of us.

While I believe a great deal of that would have to do with genetics and all that jazz, I came to realize something about the matter. Children whose parents are doctors tend to grow up to be doctors, do to strong influence, the high school foot ball team generally had a strong support grid of mothers and fathers, by now I'm sure your getting the picture.

The only thing I have in common with either of my parents is mild artistic prowess which comes from my mother, and as a matter of fact more than anything I remember time with my mother as a child. I didn't have a lot of friends, if any, so if I wasn't with my mother I was watching cartoons, I have come to wonder whether or not the memories of watching Speed Racer, Scooby Doo and the Transformers are falsified by desire to have a "good" Father or if they were real.

Thats why all I do is draw and watch cartoons, its all I have ever done...I grew up with Scooby, the pit crew, the autobots, and the digidestined they are all I know.


Now what do I do?

Current Location: My room
Current Mood: Fml
Current Music: Chuck e cheese commercial theme

I wish I was a star,
So I could shine bold and bright.
I wish I was a star,
So I could guide you home at night
I wish I was a star,
So I could forever be.
I wish I was a star,
So you would finally look at me.
I wish, I wish I was a star.
because when you finally realize I am a star
I'll already be dead and gone.